Mysore Palace (Good Free Photos)
It was a dark day. The clouds were dark and implied an impending storm. On the earth, the trees and plants were gloomy as it had been days since they had seen the light of the sun. The week had taken such a turn as the week prior, the sun peeked out from behind the light and fluffy clouds. The roses and neem trees looked healthy and bright. There was quite a difference between the two weeks. The little bird that usually chirped when the sun was out sat quietly on the branch and watched down on the little girl playing on the grass beneath. This little girl's name was Madhu.
Madhu lived with her parents and siblings in Mithila, King Janaka's kingdom. She had heard that there were people traveling through the town and that they would be at the royal court the next day to visit King Janaka. The whole kingdom was invited as the guests were rumored to be special. Madhu also knew that the King wanted to get his daughter, Sita, married. However, there was a stipulation: King Janaka had a bow that once belonged to Lord Shiva. He said that the person that could pick up the bow and then string it would be considered as suitable for Sita. Madhu had an inkling that one of these guests would be Sita's future husband.
When the day arrived for the citizens of the kingdom to go to the palace, Madhu was ecstatic. She would finally get to see and hear what the buzz for the last week had been about. When she walked in through the gates and saw the guests being brought in to see King Janaka, she felt the room immediately brighten up. The King introduced the guests as Rama, Lakshmana, and Vishwamitra. King Janaka requested that Shiva's bow be brought out in hopes that Rama would be able to string it. The anxiety in the room was building as the royal attendees brought out Shiva's bow. Some of the citizens closed their eyes, some clasped their hands in prayer, and others silently watched in hope.
With much ease, Rama lifted the bow, strung it, and then a loud CRACK struck through the room. The bow broke into two pieces and the room went silent. When everyone realized what had just happened, the room erupted in applause and joy. Outside, the skies cleared and the sun started shining again. The little bird began chirping once more and Madhu was overjoyed with happiness.
Author's Note: This section of the Ramayana is always told from the perspective of Rama or Sita so I thought to add a little spin to it. From a complete outsider's perspective. I used the way Sita felt after she saw Rama as inspiration for the feeling of utter gloom at the beginning of the story and the rest just flowed.
Bibliography: R.K. Narayan, Ramayana, Reading Guide
I actually really like the ways you describe the scenarios as well as the word choices you use. The details are impressive. Since the story is from Madhu's perspective, I can feel her happiness as well when she witnesses Rama strings the bow. I also wonder if you will consider expanding on this story more or write a sequel because I think there you can write so much more through Madhu's eyes, like maybe a monster disrupting King Janaka's kingdom and Madhu get to see Rama battles the monster! This is just a suggestion though. Overall, I like your writing.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite things about this is how well you use small details to ground the piece—things like the bird and neem trees and expectant citizens closing their eyes and clasping their hands. It’s also really interesting to see such a big plot point through a small character’s perspective, because of how it changes the weight of everything. Nicely done with this!
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ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this story. All the detail you put in really added to plot and to everything that was going on. I also read this part of the story and I really like where you went with it. Taking a smaller character’s point of view was such a good idea! Being able to rewrite a story from a different side can be seen as difficult, but you did an excellent job at executing the story!
Your story is quite descriptive and easy to read and follow. I really like your writing style in this story - well done! After reading your story, I thought that what would have happened if Rama was not able to crack the bow? Or what if the story took a different turn? You have inspired me to look at stories from a different writing style / perspective/ Well done!
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ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story! The detail you put into it was really well done and it added a lot to the scene. I liked that you focused on this scene because it is such a monumental moment in Rama and Sita's relationship. I think something that could make your story even better is if you incorporate some dialogue into it. I love that you introduced a new character and it would be cool to see if she got to interact with Rama or Sita! Introducing a new character is always hard, but you did a great job of it! You also did a great job of incorporating the little bird into the story. It was a small detail, but it tied the story together and gave us a great picture of what was happening in the scene. Overall, you did a great job! I can’t wait to see what you write in the future. -Katie Nichols
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story! Did you make up the name Madu or did you get it from the version of the Ramayana you read? I didn't remember seeing that name in the version I read but it is a creative name if you made it up! I liked the twists you put on your story. They are believable but they also keep the story new and interesting so that it is not exactly the same as the original.
ReplyDeleteGreat job Rijujubean, you have a very interesting writing style. You kept my attention through your description of the crowd, the way the anticipation was growing to the point that the citizens were covering their moths with anxiety and I especially liked your strategic pause that led to joy and laughter after they realized that Rama had not only strung the bow but broke it.
ReplyDeleteI think you have a really unique sense of writing. It kept me engaged. I also like the way your paragraphs are set up. They are not too bulky or too small. I enjoyed reading your story because of the detail that you put in it. My favorite part was when everyone heard the CRACK sound and was confused as first. However, as soon as they realized they irrupted into joy! Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really love how detailed you are with the introduction of your story. The description of the earth, trees, and sky really set the scene and anticipation for what's to come. I would have like to see how the story would end if Rama had not been able to crack the bow. Furthermore, I like how you narrated the stringing of Shiva's bow.
ReplyDeleteI liked the description throughout your story. It helped me picture the setting in a better way. In addition, the different viewpoint in which you told your story was interesting. It was neat to see what was happening in a third person view rather than straight from the eyes of Rama or Sita. Overall, nice read and good luck with the rest of your stories!
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